Monday, May 01, 2006

A Peaks Island Rumor

Now, there is always a fine line between news and a rumor but on the Island, it often really blurs. Yet, as I've always believed, Island news or rumors often have a common thread between them; they travel fast but they're often wrong. Well, today, I've got a beauty I heard about yesterday.

Late last week, a couple of Portland officials were spotted at the bottom of Welch Street. It's reported they were overheard discussing the ongoing problem of people leaving the boat and walking up the middle of Welch Street rather than walking up the hill on the sidewalks. The reported solution to this puzzle was for the police officers who meet every boat to issue citations for jaywalking to those walking up the hill in the middle of the street in accordance with current Portland statutes in order to change walking behavior. Huh!!! If anywhere near reality, this action could well be the start of something very interesting. The above pictures represent an average landing at Peaks during the Summer months. Now, a couple of instant brain flashes occur as I imagine Officer Randy getting out of his police vehicle fully armed with his sharpened pencil and ticket pad to confront the humanity leaving the docked boat.

The first image is of Kevin Bacon fully attired in his ROTC uniform in the movie "Animal House". Confronting an oncoming mob with the simple words "remain calm, all is well", he is instantly made one with the pavement beneath him. Yup, good luck Officer Randy!! The second image I have is we would absolutely have to send a rider down to the Church in Stockbridge and find Arlo Guthrie. Can't you see the potential for an Alice's Restaurant redux if Islanders were placed in custody for jaywalking. Wow, this could lead to news feeds, t-shirts, songs, bumper stickers; an entire new cottage industry sweeping the Island.

Oh well, I've always believed in the old adage "rules are made for times when brains run out". Sure seems to apply in this situation. I'm hopeful some reality will set in somewhere but regardless, it sure made for a big "smile" on a Monday morning. If anything newsworthy or rumor worthy breaks, I'll let you know.


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